Monday, February 23

Life in Motion 8/52

*A portrayal of life, in motion, once a week for 52 weeks* 2015

I am outmanned around here. Pink is frowned upon and our outings often consist of crashing, smashing and taking apart things.

I love it. It's never been so loud as to require head gear, though. Monster trucks that destroy cars. And cake. There was cake. We didn't get to eat it. A zilla truck engulfed it after lighting the candles with fire from its nose. 

I often wonder if they'll like some of the things we plan. Then I see their eyes light up or get real big and my worries are for not.

thanking Jodi


Monday, February 16

Life in Motion 7/52

*A portrayal of life, in motion, once a week for 52 weeks* 2015

Winter weekends (with dad at work) are usually filled with camping out in the house. Everyone does their own thing for awhile. They play together and then take another break. We do laundry and T.V. and video games. I drink lots of coffee and miss naps.

Mr. Sunshine likes to play games with himself because he can play by his own, made up, rules. And with his feet. And he always wins. (He might have a "small" complex issue.)

Mr. Preteen is getting a lot of use out of his Christmas present (Kindle). He's been playing a word game with us (sort of like Words with Friends, but you get an avatar you can buy stuff for). Hence the dictionary. Ignore the lack of sheet on his bed. I gave up and make sure its on before bed every night. We pick our battles.

Thanking Jodi

Monday, February 9

Life in Motion 6/52

*A portrayal of life, in motion, once a week for 52 weeks* 2015

 Snow,'s everywhere.

The hubby took the boy's, plus a friend, sledding. I missed it because I had to work. I'm trying to be okay with that.

Mr. Pre-teen is getting good use out of his new boots. His FIFTY dollar boots. I told him he will wear them until they break or do not fit anymore. We're a under twenty dollar's shoe kind of family.

Also, the first snowman of the year. The snow isn't really snow. It is ice. And they cheated. Someone had been there before them and they just combined the balls of snow.

I saw my first cardinal the other day. Winter needs to be officially over. I don't care what the groundhog said. I'm done.

thanking Jodi


Saturday, February 7

Enstragement in Childhood

My childhood was filled with very unemotional experiences. I was fed, housed and taken care of. My dad had an anger problem (broken dishes) and my mother was very depressed (day sleeper). I, honestly, never felt "loved" when they said "I love you" randomly and rarely. It always sounded sarcastic.

I could have had a very bad childhood. I could have been orphaned, abandoned, beaten, abused or worse. I didn't. It is just filled with memories of anxiety and ignorance. I remember almost not graduating because I skipped so many days due to nerves. It wasn't hard work. I loved school work. Staying home wasn't hard work either. I'd just say I had a stomach ache and mom would call me in. It was almost as if they didn't worry about it.

Starting in high school, I didn't participate in group sports. I'd skip school on days projects were due, so I didn't have to stand up in front of class. On days, when I had no choice, I'd almost vomit after presentations. I didn't have friends over. I didn't know how to act with other people. It was all very confusing to me. And no one seemed to want to help since I didn't know how to ask. I should've been medicated.

It probably was a problem and often still is as an adult. The anxiety can get so bad I don't want to go to work or leave the house to go to one of the boy's activities at school. I don't like having play dates for them because I'm forced into an uncomfortable event (yes, it becomes an event in my head).

Mr. Pre-teen is my personality clone. Sometimes, the words get jumbled in our brains and never come out of our mouths. Often, it is easier to keep quiet. Even when someone is yelling at us. We just shut down.

Social graces are non existent for us. Chit chit makes me feel like a moron. He doesn't know how to handle an easy phone call. I can't explain to him that a simple, "Hi!", doesn't sound like an idiotic conversation starter. Because it makes me feel weird, too.

As parents, we strive to help him with all the knowledge we have. We push. We give. We explain.

We sign him up for school activities, sometimes for his own good. We don't know if he will like them or sometimes if he likes the activities he's been in for awhile. He doesn't talk that much about Student Council or his after school program. He doesn't bring kid's phone numbers home. He doesn't use his cellphone. The only times I know life is too much is when he bursts into tears and takes a nap in the middle of the day.

I still feel resentment towards my parents when I remember them making me socialize in situations that made me have a panic attack. I do not know if it is because I was too full of anxiety to explain or that they didn't care or that they wanted to push me.

Are we pushing him too much? Are we not asking him his opinion enough?

Is he enjoying his childhood?

All we can do is try. But it's hard to not have regrets. Will he hate me when he's older? He's 12. His childhood seems almost over. Hopefully, since I enjoyed (most of) his childhood, he is.

We strive to succeed as parents and the best answer is: if we doubt ourselves, then we ARE doing a good job with what we have. We have to keep pushing forward, one caution light at a time. And if there is a warning sign on the side of the road, we hit that speed bump at 45 mph and hope the air bags engage.

Monday, February 2

Life in Motion 5/52

*A portrayal of life, in motion, once a week for 52 weeks* 2015

When did we become old enough to not smile when it snowed? I remember sitting (albeit in snow pants) and spending hours outside just wallowing in it. In fact one year, for my birthday, all the teenage girls headed outside, in the dark, and had a snowball fight.

We were supposed to go to Monkey Joe's (indoor bounce house place) yesterday. However, it snowed like someone up above baked cakes and sifted flour on us. For 24 hours. It must have been a wedding cake. We've all been house bound or they've been chauffeured to the babysitter's this month because of work. We tried to mentally prepare ourselves in December for hubby's upcoming overtime and snow equals more work for me. No matter how much you mentally check yourself, it still sucks.

Mr. Sunshine wanted to go outside yesterday. I came in from shoveling to change out my gloves and he fully geared himself out, sans his snow pants. I have to adjust them because they are his brother's old pair and he has no butt. He asked first thing this morning, too. Before I had my coffee.

I do not like the (extreme) cold. I do not like the (extreme) heat. I am being quite pessimistic about going outside. I wish the hubby was here to get me motivated to "play". He went in late today because of the weather. Rather the big wigs didn't have to be in till later so they weren't going to pay the little guy's to sit around. He likes to "play". He is my oldest, third child.

thanking Jodi