2015

Today I feel very thinky. (That's my word by the way.)

It's been a nice, boring day. I slept in. Everyone slept in. Except for The Man, who never sleeps it seems. I made lists and movie binged.

Today I feel very appreciative, too.

Life is more than vacations, food, pictures or forget me nots. Life is being completely content. Days where everyone is getting along are the ones to remember and I wish I could take a picture of the feeling. Instead of scratch and smell, we need a scratch and feel? Someone needs to invent that.

Last night was New Year's Eve. I procrastinated planning anything. I've been really introvert lately. The idea of sitting in someone's house and forcing idle chit chit was literally making me have an anxiety attack. We just got back from a mini vacation, so just picking up and leaving to some far off place for the holiday was not an option. I just didn't want to deal with people. I have to own up and blame it on the melancholy feeling we've all been having since our furry canine passed away last week (another post for another day).

Eventually, I left the what to do up to the boy's. We invited a couple of friends, with their kids, over. Long story short, I had a good time. I didn't want to hide upstairs and watch a movie with the kids. Or find excuses to go to the bathroom (which is upstairs). I have to connect the whole evening to the people that we invited. Sure, they've been over before. But there is another couple that we usually ask to come with them. We invited them this time, too. However, they wanted to invite other people that probably wouldn't be child friendly (again).

I was actually firm with my opinion. I said no. If I had wanted to hang out with stupid drunk people, I would've just planned for a babysitter and went to the bar. Then I could leave any time I wanted and leave the idiots there, too. I think they took offense. I have to be okay with that. I enjoyed myself and honestly am surprised. And stress-free.

So 2015. What does it hold? What does it mean? What will be different?

It means another year that is going to go by way too fast. Another year together with the select people I CHOOSE. I want it to be a year where I delete anything that does not make me happy or stresses me out. I want to appreciate everything more. I want to love my husband and hold my children.

I want to enjoy things and be myself. I also want to stamp, in purple ink, onto my brain, "I should be happy".

-J